I withdrew a job application.
“But Lyss,” you console. “That is normal. People withdraw job applications all the time.”
Ah, but my friend, I don’t. I am that Type A person who has had her whole life planned since she was 8. And then at 21 decided that plan sucked, dropped it like a hot tamale, and floundered for a while. Thought I came up with a new plan, acted on it, realized that wasn’t right either, tried rally hard to convince myself it was right, and then decided to stop lying to myself. So I withdrew my application today. And it was scary. Clicking the send button on the email and the withdraw button next to my application made me sick to my stomach. And then, about 2.5 seconds later, I was filled with relief.
Rewriting the narrative you have told yourself of what your life will be for a dozen or so years isn’t easy. And the fact that I was a kid when I came up with this ‘life plan’ doesn’t mean it is easy to rewrite – it might actually be harder. But, what I am learning is that it is worth it. And, sometimes what seems the scariest is actually the most beneficial.
My mom gave me advice one day I will never forget. I was struggling with a decision about continuing to help with the middle school youth at church. I didn’t feel useful and honestly didn’t think anyone would notice if I stopped showing up to help. I wanted to keep going, I felt called to keep helping, and the kids were great but I felt like I couldn’t seem to form any sort of relationship with them. My mom gave me a hug as I cried and said “Lyssa-loo, you are trying to do what you are being called to do and the devil is so scared of the impact you will have, he is doing everything in his power to stop you from pursuing it. Don’t let him win.” First of all, gotta love those nicknames that never go away, huh? Second, I have never forgotten that.
When I have hard decisions to make that scare the bageebers out of me but I know deep inside they are right, I remember that conversation with my mom. My calling is too big to be stuck in fear. And so is yours.
4 Comments
G
Yessssssssss you get out there and try things and live and be amazing!!!!!!!!!!!
Lyss
I will but I need you to do the same thing!!
Christian
From my experience, life doesn’t always go as planned. Honestly none of my plans have really worked out, it makes me feel like I truly don’t have control over my life and I’m just wandering around helplessly, wondering ‘why is my life like this?’ I’ve always felt like I’m on thin ice in life, only a few handful of opportunities before they are gone for good.
The only thing that is certain is uncertainty…right? The future is unpredictable, I believe that there will always be a certain degree of chance or chaos in everything. I can only try to push on through and hope for the best.
Lyss
That is an interesting view on daily life. I started watching a new show recently and the main character said in a recent episode, “Life would be so boring if it always went as planned. The surprises are what keep it interesting.” Also, you might check out Dr. Shannon Irvine – she studied the brain and why we do what we do and gives an interesting perspective on it. This podcast episode of hers might be worth a listen (it is short, I promise 🙂 ) – https://bit.ly/2WVW8F5.