I didn’t want to ride roller coasters. But I also didn’t want to seem like a baby because I wouldn’t get on the roller coaster. So, I got on, utterly terrified, rode the ride, and FREAKING LOVED IT! #newadrenalinejunkie But, then I said I wouldn’t ride a roller coaster that went backwards. I did, and it freaked me out but also was so fun! Then I said I would never ride a roller coaster without a floor – Umm…the Superman ride at Six Flags was bomb. And I would never, ever ride something that went upside down. Y’all, I have done all of those. And ever single one, I got on in utter fear.
I am in the middle of reading a book called Fear is Not the Boss of You by Jennifer Allwood. One of her chapters is titled Confidence is Not the Goal and begins with a John Wayne quote – “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” Wow. I believe with everything in me that, if no one else in the whole wide world reads this book, that is okay, because it was 100% meant for me. Every page hits me hard – I am talking soul conviction & God reminding me that I am not created to live in fear, but in freedom and abundance. I’m not sure that there is a page so far without a highlight or a note on it. This book is SO good.
I’m not quite sure why I am writing this, just that I felt like I needed to, and I am kinda working on being obedient to the small nudges of the Spirit. So, you are getting this musing at 8 pm on a Friday night because I thought I was supposed to write this. Have a great evening y’all!!\
P.S. Here is a bit of what has been on repeat for me lately:
7 Comments
Christian
I haven’t been on a roller coaster in nearly a decade, that makes me feel and sound old even though I’m still ‘young’. They were so fun though!
That book sounds like a good read, the title already hit me! Fear is something that has plagued me for so long. The fear of not living up to expectations and being called a failure, the fear of being lonely, the fear of being embarrassed in front people, maybe I’m just overly sensitive but that still haunts me now, even in my sleep. I guess I just don’t have the will power to truly face it, whatever that means. Like, it can’t be as simple as me telling myself “Hey fear and anxiety! Back off will ya!” It has to be something deeper than that!
Lyss
Dude! You need to go ride some more roller coasters!
Fear is one of those things I have struggled with for a long time and, TBH, still struggle with. You might not even believe me if I told you how long it took me to make this blog actually go live or share my first post on social media. And there are still days where hitting the post button is hard because I don’t know how people will take what I am putting out into the world to read and live on the internet. But I do it because my desire to share and to love on people and to give information I wish I had in simple forms is bigger than my fear.
I have a blog post coming soon about my story, my health (and lack thereof) walk to get where I am today. I’ve been putting it off but reading your comment has reminded me that my life & my story are not for me to hoard. My life and my story are for me to share with the people that need them. Brief summary for ya, I am a people pleaser and have been my whole life. My sophomore year of college, I wound up getting really sick, both physically and mentally, resulting in me being put on medication for anxiety/anxiety-induced depression so I could function. I grew up in a Christian household and I was going to church every week but that was about it in regards to my faith. I met a friend through classes who invited me to church and Bible study and small group and I began to discover that the Creator of the world who sent his son to die for every bad thing I have ever done loves me so much that He even said, “Cast your anxieties on me because I care for you.” I discovered that my fear of the future (where my anxiety tends to stem from), was unfounded – it was just in my head, me trying to convince myself I needed to hold onto everything with an iron grip when God was saying, “Let go, I’ve got you Lyss. I know the plans I have for you and they are good, for your success and health.” And so, through a LOT of diet changing and counseling and learning to know who God is, what He has done for me, and what He wants for me (spoiler alert: God sent His son Jesus to die on a cross and rise from the dead so that we might live life abundantly and be saved eternally), I am physically healthy again and I am mentally and spiritually healthy again. It has been a lot of hard work and tears and hard truths I didn’t want to hear but needed to hear, but my constant anxiety has gone and my fear has less control on me every day.
You mentioned that it can’t be as simple as saying, “Hey, fear and anxiety, back off!” but I will tell you, as a child of God, I can do just that. I know deep in my heart of hearts that the God I worship is the Creator of the universe, the God of Gods, the King of Kings, Prince of Peace, in charge of everything. I know that even the demons must obey His commands and I know that as a daughter of the King, I have the power to declare in the name of the creator that fear and anxiety and depression and everything that is not good and of God leave because God says He defends me and protects me from those things. And I will tell you, that faith filled declaration has given me peace when I am spiraling into anxiety and the ability to sleep on nights I feel heavy.
If you want to learn more about this fear-defeating God I am talking about, just let me know. I would be more than happy to send you some information.
Christian
I think I know what you mean about struggling to share and blog because of the fear of how others will react, I had a social media account but I never really did anything with it because I didn’t think anyone would be interested in what I had to say. It even happens when I’m simply talking to others! Including right now!
I’m sorry to hear about your depression and sickness even if it was when you were a sophomore in college. Depression is…horrible, terrible, and exhausting. It feels like it is taboo to even talk about it.
While I am interested about that fear-defeating god, I don’t know if I can really say I’m religious, I’m not doubting it though! Even this feels a bit weird to discuss for me, religion always seemed to be a touchy subject, along with politics! There is a lot on my mind about it though. Like, if I never really went to church or even read the bible, what chance do I have to truly see and hear god? This information is a little tempting to see though!
Lyss
Christian, the church I attend obviously can’t meet in person right now so all of the messages are being streamed on YouTube. Today’s message is about faith and what faith in God even looks like. I invite you to watch this message, just to learn about this God I am talking about. The live stream starts at 10:30 am CST on Sunday (today), but it will stay on YouTube for as long as YouTube exists. Typically, the message starts about 15 min in but we have some fun songs that are sung before that. Here is the link, I hope you check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMjUXBHQA8E
Christian
Well Lyss, I’m happy to tell you that I did check it out! I think I needed to hear what was discussed in the stream, not just faith in God but also faith in general! I can say for certain that I have lost that faith in life at some point in my life and have also been disappointed about most things since then.
I did enjoy listening to it though! Thank you! I don’t really know what else to say without rambling, I should try to catch the future streams though, well, that is until things get back to “normal” that is.
G
I love roller costers.
G
coasters*