I did something scary today

I withdrew a job application. "But Lyss," you console. "That is normal. People withdraw job applications all the time." Ah, but my friend, I don't. I am that Type A person who has had her whole life planned since she was 8. And then at 21 decided that plan sucked, dropped it like a hot tamale, and floundered for a while. Thought I came up with a new plan, acted on it, realized that wasn't right either, tried rally hard to convince myself it was right, and then decided to stop lying to myself. So I withdrew my application today. And it was scary. Clicking the send button on the email and the withdraw button next to my application made me sick to my stomach. And then, about 2.5 seconds later, I was filled with relief. Rewriting the narrative you have told yourself of what your life will be for a dozen or so years isn't easy. And the fact that I was a kid when I came up with this 'life plan' doesn't mean it is easy to rewrite - it might actually be harder. But, what I am learning is that it is worth it. And, sometimes what seems the scariest is actually the most beneficial. My mom gave me advice one day I will never forget. I was struggling with a decision about continuing to help with the middle school youth at church. I didn't feel useful and honestly didn't think anyone would notice if I stopped showing up to help. I wanted to keep going, I felt called to keep helping, and the kids were great but I felt like I couldn't seem to form any sort of relationship with them. My mom gave me a hug as I cried and said "Lyssa-loo, you are trying to do what you are being called to do and the devil is so scared of the impact you will have, he is doing everything in his power to stop you from pursuing it. Don't let him win." First of all, gotta love those nicknames that never go away, huh? Second, I have never forgotten that. When I have hard decisions to make that scare the bageebers out of me but I know deep inside they are right, I remember that conversation with my mom. My calling is too big to be stuck in fear. And so is yours.

job – Loving Life with Lyss

I withdrew a job application. “But Lyss,” you console. “That is normal. People withdraw job applications all the time.” Ah, but my friend, I don’t. I am that Type A person who has had her whole life planned since she was 8. And then at 21 decided that plan sucked, dropped it like a hot tamale, and floundered for a…