I did something scary today

I withdrew a job application. "But Lyss," you console. "That is normal. People withdraw job applications all the time." Ah, but my friend, I don't. I am that Type A person who has had her whole life planned since she was 8. And then at 21 decided that plan sucked, dropped it like a hot tamale, and floundered for a while. Thought I came up with a new plan, acted on it, realized that wasn't right either, tried rally hard to convince myself it was right, and then decided to stop lying to myself. So I withdrew my application today. And it was scary. Clicking the send button on the email and the withdraw button next to my application made me sick to my stomach. And then, about 2.5 seconds later, I was filled with relief. Rewriting the narrative you have told yourself of what your life will be for a dozen or so years isn't easy. And the fact that I was a kid when I came up with this 'life plan' doesn't mean it is easy to rewrite - it might actually be harder. But, what I am learning is that it is worth it. And, sometimes what seems the scariest is actually the most beneficial. My mom gave me advice one day I will never forget. I was struggling with a decision about continuing to help with the middle school youth at church. I didn't feel useful and honestly didn't think anyone would notice if I stopped showing up to help. I wanted to keep going, I felt called to keep helping, and the kids were great but I felt like I couldn't seem to form any sort of relationship with them. My mom gave me a hug as I cried and said "Lyssa-loo, you are trying to do what you are being called to do and the devil is so scared of the impact you will have, he is doing everything in his power to stop you from pursuing it. Don't let him win." First of all, gotta love those nicknames that never go away, huh? Second, I have never forgotten that. When I have hard decisions to make that scare the bageebers out of me but I know deep inside they are right, I remember that conversation with my mom. My calling is too big to be stuck in fear. And so is yours.

What on Earth am I doing?

This is a question I keep asking myself. I have dreams of businesses I want to open, yet I put those on the back burner for security. I want to share what I love, specifically ways to live healthier, with my friends and family, yet every time I have the opportunity, I get embarrassed and clam up. I know what I want my life to look like in ten years and I see the path I need to get there, but it scares me and so I hold myself back from the steps I know I need to take. It is a weird thing, seeing your own ability to succeed and having it utterly terrify you. It shouldn't, and I know that, but it does. While I am not positive where this originated, I feel wrong being better at something or succeeding at something more than other people. For example, my roommate invited me to go rock climbing, a recreational activity she loves. Due to who I am and the skillset I possess, we discovered that I could advance in the difficulty level of the routes faster than she could. However, I was convinced that, if I climbed better than my roommate, she would hate me and we would no longer be friends. Yes, I am aware that is crazy, but that was my thought process. Over the last couple of months, I have realized that, if someone is my friend, they won't actually care if I am better at something than them (which my roommate reassured me of). And, I have realized that if someone does care that I am better than them, it literally does not matter in the slightest. That being said, it is still a struggle for me to remember that. Looking at the two paragraphs above, I realize that the word "I" is said a lot. And, I realize if I was reading this, my question would be "And your point is...?" My point is something that I have only realized recently - my success or failure does not influence how people think of me. And, if it does influence how people think of me, I don't want to be associated with them anymore than I have to be. This evening, after I had started this post and then postponed finishing it, I came across a quote from a woman I had never heard of until I Googled her name. She is, according to the internet, in the running for the presidential election but I know nothing about her so note that this is not an endorsement nor a slam against her. The quote was this: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson The beginning 2 sentences resonated with me because I realized that it is utterly true in my life. I am scared of success more than of being inadequate. I am scared that I will let success run my life and that I will become a horrid person because of it. And I do not think I am alone. But, if you are like me in that fear, this is what I have realized: I determine who I will be, what I will act like. I get to make the choice today, tomorrow, and every single day to be who I want to be. And I don't want to be a horrid person. So I will choose not to be. And that choice starts today. My dreams are not going away, I am simply taking a different path to get there than I ever thought I would. My fear of sharing what I know and love is simply me being selfish, because if I have knowledge that can change a life and I don't share it, that is on me. And, what I have begun to learn is that when I share what I love, when I pursue what I love, my dreams begin to become reality. I get to chose to be a kind, loving, God-filled person today so that as I grow, I grow as a kind, loving, God-filled person. Thanks for coming on this ride with me, as I learn about life. I am not claiming to have it all figured out - actually, I don't claim to have anything figured out besides that I am broken and need Jesus. But, what I do say, is that I am working, day-by-day to figure it out. All are steps forward, though some days feel like steps backwards, but it is all part of this beautiful journey called life. I know this post was a bit long but I hope it is as helpful for you as it has been for me as I have come to realize for myself that my current reality can be changed by nothing more than a simple thought.

Hey Y'all! I know it has been a hot minute since I last posted. The last few weeks were filled with presentations, finishing senior projects, family coming into town, and graduation. I passed all my classes and now, I am officially a college graduate! A few weeks shy of four year ago, I graduated from high school. I had my life planned out - college for a degree, then my career path to basically running a Fortune 500 company, traveling for work for a few years then settling down, having kids, loving my job, eventually to retire and love retirement. I was always told how important a 5-year plan was, well I had a 50-year plan. Today, that isn't the case. I thought I wanted to work a big fancy job and be the boss of everyone. I think the reality is, I wanted to be my own boss and that was how I saw that happening. I wanted to work a job that let me travel the world. The reality is I want to travel and the idea of being paid to travel was appealing. I still want to have kids but I want to foster kids too. I still want to love my job but I want to love my life while I have my job. I was talking with a friend a few months ago and one thing she said really stuck with me, "Are you willing to spend a few years of your life living like most people won't so you can live the rest of your life living like most people can't?" And I have slowly realized over the past few months that the answer to that question for me, is yes. I have dreams of ideas and businesses that I want to pursue but that isn't a life most people want. It is however, a life I want. "Are you willing to spend a few years of your life living like most people won't, so you can live the rest of your life living like most people can't?" I want to be my own boss. I want to run with my dreams and ideas until they become a success. I want to make my life and the lives of the people around me better in small ways everyday. So that is what I am going to do. I keep getting asked, "What are you doing now that you are graduated? What is your plan for your life?" What am I doing - whatever I want. Specifically right now, I am pursuing a few business ideas in Tuscaloosa. What is my plan for my life - to love what I do, to be the healthiest I can be, and to help others love their life and be healthy. So, for those of you wondering, that is my current plan. For those of you not wondering, here is a picture of Faith being cute. Oh, and anyone reading this that has dogs that like to chew, the Nylabone ® DuraChew ® toys (Faith is chewing on one above) are phenomenal. We have 2, both dogs love them, and they seem to never die. Not kidding. Also, just for the record, this is not a paid advertisement, it is just my honest opinion on a toy my dogs love. The company doesn't even know I exist. Anyway, that is my current plan which means y'all get to follow along as I learn what it takes to start a business, what life looks like when you don't have a job immediately after college, and how to make my life look like what I want it to. And if you want to follow along in snapshots, I just started an Instagram @livinglifewithlyss ! Have a great Friday!

Life Plans – Loving Life with Lyss

Life Plans

I did something scary today

May 18, 2020

I withdrew a job application. “But Lyss,” you console. “That is normal. People withdraw job applications all the time.” Ah, but my friend, I don’t. I am that Type A person who has had her whole life planned since she was 8. And then at 21 decided that plan sucked, dropped it like a hot tamale, and floundered for a…

Read More

Lyss
Life Plans

What on Earth am I doing?

June 10, 2019

This is a question I keep asking myself. I have dreams of businesses I want to open, yet I put those on the back burner for security. I want to share what I love, specifically ways to live healthier, with my friends and family, yet every time I have the opportunity, I get embarrassed and clam up. I know what…

Read More

Lyss
Life Plans

I Graduated!

May 10, 2019

Hey Y'all! I know it has been a hot minute since I last posted. The last few weeks were filled with presentations, finishing senior projects, family coming into town, and graduation. I passed all my classes and now, I am officially a college graduate!

Read More

Lyss